White House declares polar bear as kidnapped and not jumping across continents, and that the weather is under control


Image result for polar bear melting ice
DETROIT- Exactly five and a half hours ago a polar was found on the Southernmost tip of Argentina. When questioned how he got there from Antarctica, he claimed he jumped. After studying this polar bear, the leading scientist and veterinarian in this study, Dr. Boman, explained that because of all the ice partings in Antarctica, the polar bears have been jumping from one piece to the next. "This particular polar bear's legs became so strong from jumping that he managed to jump over the Drake Passage and land in the Southernmost tip of Argentina." Dr. Boman worries that there will be an influx of this polar bear's followers arriving at the same location within 5 years, so long as the ice keeps melting.

His explanation was rejected by the White House, declaring that the polar bear was really a brown bear that was kidnapped, painted white, given steroids, and planted there by the Chinese to prove that their global warming hoax was true. 

An unofficial spokesman from the White House stated that the inexplicable denial of global warming is closely linked to a hidden appreciation belonging to some high positioned officials in the Oval Office for skimpier clothing for women, "which can contribute to less and unnecessary consumption of fabrics in factories." The White House warned the Chinese Government against issuing unsubstantiated claims of so-called global warming dangers. Trump assures everyone that "everything is under control."

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 10, 2017 at 9:20 AM

    I like how you use satire to mock the stupidity of knowledge of species, proof of global warming, scapegoats for inexplicable actions, and other topics. The topic seems plausible to the ignorant but hilarious to those informed. Additionally, the legitimate news-type format conveys a more convincing article for the reader to believe. Well written!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownDecember 10, 2017 at 12:54 PM

    I really like how your blog followed the format of The Onion almost exactly even with the inclusion of several "expert" quotes. You even included the contemporary situation in politics and Trump. Very well thought out! Awesome job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not PrestoDecember 10, 2017 at 1:10 PM

    Yes, everything is indeed under control, I have no idea what people are talking about when they talk about global warming. I mean look outside, it's snowing and obviously if it ever gets cold then the exception must be the rule, and global warming is fake. Take that people who believe in things like "science" or "common sense"!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownDecember 10, 2017 at 1:26 PM

    I really enjoyed this! You really adopted the tone of satirical news sites like The Onion. This was extremely witty and the visuals were funny. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marina MalyarenkoDecember 10, 2017 at 5:09 PM

    You adopted The Onion's tone so well! This is really funny, and it draws attention to global warming through various absurdities, so I'd say you've done your job.

    ReplyDelete

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